This thought crosses my mind often: was my mom this stressed out about something as basic as __________.
Today the stressor in my life is a sleepover. My children, let's call them Thing 1 (a 5 year old boy) and Thing 2 (a 4 year old girl) are each having a guest today, and those guests are going to spend the night. This should be simple. Kids come over. Kid play. Kids have fun. Kids watch movie and eat lots of popcorn. Kids make a fort out of the couch pillows. Kids get out sleeping bags. Kids stay up really late giggling. Kids sleep. Kids wake up late. Dad makes pancakes. Guests go home.
If only.
One of the children arriving is a poster child for Ritalin. Unfortunately, he's not on it. Thing 1 thinks of this boy as his best friend, and they can have their splendid childhood friendship moments. Until Friend does something mean or downright abusive and my son gets his feelings or his body hurt. Thing 1 forgives over and over, and nothing any adult seems to do can curb Friend's behavior. My husband and I are very good friends with Friend's parents, which makes the situation so ridiculously complicated. They boys are also in Sunday School together, and will be for years to come.
Should I decide to sever the relationship, we'd all be in for a lot of pain. My husband and I would lose good friends, and we tend to be shy "one friend at a time" folks. But my son.
Here's the "Truth in Parenting" angle.
Truth: We mothers don't like everyone else's children as much as we like our own.
Truth: I do think my parenting choices are often superior to those of other parents.
Truth: We are so thankful when our own children's challenges are small.
Truth: I am willing to let my son get a little hurt in order to avoid an uncomfortable social situation for myself and the possible loss of my own friends.
No one ever said the truth wouldn't hurt.
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1 comment:
I know it's tough to tell your friends the truth sometimes... I've been in your situation many times!... but it's also for the good of Friend. He may need some help and his parents don't realise. Or maybe they need to adjust their parenting style.
I think there's a way to do it and retain your friendship... arrange to go with the other couple somewhere without the kids... perhaps a meal?... and make it clear that you want to talk about the kids. Then make it clear at the start that you are really scared of losing their friendship and you really value them as friends etc. Then tell them your concerns about Friend (obviously don't say you don't like him or criticise their parenting skills!!) but make it more about you want to explore with them how you can resolve conflict between Thing 1 and Friend. And that you have noticed some of Friends behaviour and think maybe they should seek professional advice. I'm sure they will understand that you're not being nasty and just want to help. Also ask them if they feel there is anything you need to address with Thing 1 and 2... that way it's a level playing field. Don't get upset about what criticism they may make of your kids. Understand that they may be hurt by what you've said and want "tit-for-tat" to hurt you... ignore it!
On the other hand... just keep letting your child get hurt for the sake of your friendship with Friend's parents... many parents do it! I do!!
BTW LOVE your idea! Just came over from your post on True Wife Confessions. This is just the right forum to get all those worries and confessions out of the way! I shall be here often!!
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