Thank you everyone for continuing to visit Truth-in-Parenting and sending in your truths. Some, like the most recent one, have been incredibly moving, and I'm glad to provide this forum to bring these truths to the world.
My schedule hasn't permitted me to update the site as often as I'd like, so I'm going to do it once a week from now on.
Please keep sending in your truths and secrets to truthinparenting@gmail.com.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Truth: At the birth of my son, I wished he would die
Truth #24
"My partner had a traumatic labour resulting in an emergency Cesarean section that I wasn't permitted to attend. I was left without word for an hour. The anesthetist returned to tell me that my baby had suffered hypoxia and that he had to be resuscitated. This took 10 minutes. I was told to expect multiple organ damage and brain damage. I
wished that he would die as I hated the idea of him suffering in any way. I was permitted to see him in intensive care and he looked so peaceful. The longest 10 days of my life passed as we waited for him to recover from his first worldly experience.
One year on and I have the funniest, confident, brightest little person dominating my thoughts, that I can only just about remember those 10 days.
But my very initial wish still rings in my ears.
I remind myself occasionally that i shall never wish the same again."
Submitted 7/9/07 vie e-mail
"My partner had a traumatic labour resulting in an emergency Cesarean section that I wasn't permitted to attend. I was left without word for an hour. The anesthetist returned to tell me that my baby had suffered hypoxia and that he had to be resuscitated. This took 10 minutes. I was told to expect multiple organ damage and brain damage. I
wished that he would die as I hated the idea of him suffering in any way. I was permitted to see him in intensive care and he looked so peaceful. The longest 10 days of my life passed as we waited for him to recover from his first worldly experience.
One year on and I have the funniest, confident, brightest little person dominating my thoughts, that I can only just about remember those 10 days.
But my very initial wish still rings in my ears.
I remind myself occasionally that i shall never wish the same again."
Submitted 7/9/07 vie e-mail
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Truth: Oprah Turned Me On to Alcohol
Truth #23
"I took up drinking in the afternoons after watching an episode of Oprah. She did a special program on stay at home mothers who drank or did drugs because they couldn't cope with their lives. Of course, Oprah had them on TV to show how bad and awful these mothers were for turning to drugs and drink to escape their lives. I saw it and thought, 'Good idea!'. Now I have at least one glass of wine every afternoon right about 2:00, when the kids start driving me nuts. The alcohol takes the edge off, and I'm much nicer to my kids and much less likely to scream at them or sit them in front of the TV. Thanks, Oprah!"
Submitted 7/7/07 via e-mail
"I took up drinking in the afternoons after watching an episode of Oprah. She did a special program on stay at home mothers who drank or did drugs because they couldn't cope with their lives. Of course, Oprah had them on TV to show how bad and awful these mothers were for turning to drugs and drink to escape their lives. I saw it and thought, 'Good idea!'. Now I have at least one glass of wine every afternoon right about 2:00, when the kids start driving me nuts. The alcohol takes the edge off, and I'm much nicer to my kids and much less likely to scream at them or sit them in front of the TV. Thanks, Oprah!"
Submitted 7/7/07 via e-mail
Truth: No, no, no, no!
Truth #22
"I say 'no' to my children way too often. It's habit now. I can feel myself saying 'no' before they even ask me for something. I say 'no' when I should say 'yes' just because I'm annoyed that they are even asking me. I counted yesterday. I said 'no' 3 times as often as 'yes'."
Submitted 7/7/07 via e-mail
"I say 'no' to my children way too often. It's habit now. I can feel myself saying 'no' before they even ask me for something. I say 'no' when I should say 'yes' just because I'm annoyed that they are even asking me. I counted yesterday. I said 'no' 3 times as often as 'yes'."
Submitted 7/7/07 via e-mail
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Truth: I know I'm not cool
Truth #21
"Metallica isn't cool anymore? Def Leppard either? Sorry kids, I know my music isn't cool, even though I pretend I think it is.
Everyone should get a chance to be cooler than their parents. Here's yours.
p.s. I steal your ipod and jam to your music when you're at school!"
Submitted 7/4/07 via e-mail
"Metallica isn't cool anymore? Def Leppard either? Sorry kids, I know my music isn't cool, even though I pretend I think it is.
Everyone should get a chance to be cooler than their parents. Here's yours.
p.s. I steal your ipod and jam to your music when you're at school!"
Submitted 7/4/07 via e-mail
Truth: Have sex, girl!
Truth #20
"I want my daughter to experience sex and live with someone before she gets married, but I tell her she should stay a virgin because that's what our church tells me to tell her. I hope she disobeys me and the church and has a lot of fun doing it."
Submitted 7/4/07 via e-mail
"I want my daughter to experience sex and live with someone before she gets married, but I tell her she should stay a virgin because that's what our church tells me to tell her. I hope she disobeys me and the church and has a lot of fun doing it."
Submitted 7/4/07 via e-mail
Truth: I live through you
Truth #19
"I envy you, daughter. You are pretty and popular and have lots of friends and guys who are interested in you. I never had any of those things when I was young, and I've done my best to make you popular and likable -- it will make your life these next years so much easier. At night I imagine what it must be like to be you, and I replace my childhood memories with my visions of your life."
Submitted 7/4/07 via e-mail
"I envy you, daughter. You are pretty and popular and have lots of friends and guys who are interested in you. I never had any of those things when I was young, and I've done my best to make you popular and likable -- it will make your life these next years so much easier. At night I imagine what it must be like to be you, and I replace my childhood memories with my visions of your life."
Submitted 7/4/07 via e-mail
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Truth: The biggest mistake of my life
Truth #18
"I spent so much time telling my children to 'leave Mommy alone' and 'go play' and 'no' that now they never even bother to seek me out anymore.
I got just what I wanted -- children who don't bother me and give me my 'me' time.
Not it's just me and my me time..."
Submitted 7/3/04 via e-mail
"I spent so much time telling my children to 'leave Mommy alone' and 'go play' and 'no' that now they never even bother to seek me out anymore.
I got just what I wanted -- children who don't bother me and give me my 'me' time.
Not it's just me and my me time..."
Submitted 7/3/04 via e-mail
Truth: I hate play dates
Truth #17
"Why does sitting around with our children mean that we have to talk about nothing but children? And their eating habits? And their pooping/peeing habits? And their discipline problems? Don't you mothers have anything else you want to discuss? I spend every minute of most play dates thinking about all the other things I'd like to be doing."
Submitted 7/3/07 via e-mail
"Why does sitting around with our children mean that we have to talk about nothing but children? And their eating habits? And their pooping/peeing habits? And their discipline problems? Don't you mothers have anything else you want to discuss? I spend every minute of most play dates thinking about all the other things I'd like to be doing."
Submitted 7/3/07 via e-mail
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Truth: Yes, it's bad for you
Truth #16
"I hate fast food. I know it makes people fat. I know it's got all sorts of icky ingredients, but damnit, some nights it's just so easy to push all that aside and pull up and order 3 Happy Meals. Kids are happy. Mom is happy. I'm sorry if it takes years off your life."
Submitted 7/1/07
"I hate fast food. I know it makes people fat. I know it's got all sorts of icky ingredients, but damnit, some nights it's just so easy to push all that aside and pull up and order 3 Happy Meals. Kids are happy. Mom is happy. I'm sorry if it takes years off your life."
Submitted 7/1/07
Truth: I wish I never had you
Truth #15
"I had my third child to 'save our marriage.' He's 10. My second child just moved out of the house after graduating high school. I hate myself for it, but I wish we'd never had the third one. I'd be free now."
Submitted 7/1/07
"I had my third child to 'save our marriage.' He's 10. My second child just moved out of the house after graduating high school. I hate myself for it, but I wish we'd never had the third one. I'd be free now."
Submitted 7/1/07
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Truth: Mine's the stinky one!
Truth #14
"Yes, I know my son's dirty diaper needs changing. But I'm having too much fun sitting here at the park chatting with my friends to get up, walk to the car, and change him right now. When he comes over here, we just pretend that we don't smell anything, and when he comes near you and you wrinkle your nose, we pretend you don't exist. Go ahead. Throw me another dirty look. A little poop never hurt anyone."
Submitted 6/30/07 via e-mail
"Yes, I know my son's dirty diaper needs changing. But I'm having too much fun sitting here at the park chatting with my friends to get up, walk to the car, and change him right now. When he comes over here, we just pretend that we don't smell anything, and when he comes near you and you wrinkle your nose, we pretend you don't exist. Go ahead. Throw me another dirty look. A little poop never hurt anyone."
Submitted 6/30/07 via e-mail
Truth: Those damn rich moms!
Truth #13
"I am green with envy over rich moms who have nannies and babysitters to deal with the tough moments of parenting. Don't want to deal with the poop? Call the nanny! Need a night out every other night? Call the nanny! Kids have trouble going to sleep? Call the nanny! Kids wake up at 3 am? Call the nanny! If I had just 1/100th of that amount of help around here, how different life would be..."
Submitted 6/30/07 via e-mail
"I am green with envy over rich moms who have nannies and babysitters to deal with the tough moments of parenting. Don't want to deal with the poop? Call the nanny! Need a night out every other night? Call the nanny! Kids have trouble going to sleep? Call the nanny! Kids wake up at 3 am? Call the nanny! If I had just 1/100th of that amount of help around here, how different life would be..."
Submitted 6/30/07 via e-mail
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Truth: I wish it were better
Truth #12
"On days like today, when the kids are happily playing together in the pool, I think how wonderful it is that when they remember 'family' and 'summer,' this is what they'll think of. When they have driven me up the wall and I am yelling at them and shunning them and trying to escape them, I think it's such a shame that they'll remember that side of things, too."
Submitted 6/29/07 via e-mail
"On days like today, when the kids are happily playing together in the pool, I think how wonderful it is that when they remember 'family' and 'summer,' this is what they'll think of. When they have driven me up the wall and I am yelling at them and shunning them and trying to escape them, I think it's such a shame that they'll remember that side of things, too."
Submitted 6/29/07 via e-mail
Truth: We like Daddy more
Truth #11
"This is what my daughter said to me in the car this morning on the way to the store. 'Me and Joey like Daddy more than you. Not a lot more. Just a little.' She's 4. Joey is 6. I couldn't think of a single thing to say, because I knew they should like him more. Still. Ouch."
Submitted 6/29/07 via e-mail
"This is what my daughter said to me in the car this morning on the way to the store. 'Me and Joey like Daddy more than you. Not a lot more. Just a little.' She's 4. Joey is 6. I couldn't think of a single thing to say, because I knew they should like him more. Still. Ouch."
Submitted 6/29/07 via e-mail
Friday, June 29, 2007
Truth: My son needs help
Truth #10
"My son has all the symptoms of ADD/ADHD, but I hide these from his doctor. I don't want him to have the stigma of the diagnosis, but I can't figure out how to help him otherwise. Our entire family is stressed out by the situation, and our son isn't doing well in school. I want to believe I can think and pray him into being normal again."
Submitted 6/28/07 via e-mail
"My son has all the symptoms of ADD/ADHD, but I hide these from his doctor. I don't want him to have the stigma of the diagnosis, but I can't figure out how to help him otherwise. Our entire family is stressed out by the situation, and our son isn't doing well in school. I want to believe I can think and pray him into being normal again."
Submitted 6/28/07 via e-mail
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Truth: This Truth is OK
Truth #9
"My son will not be going to college in the fall. He is working as an apprentice in a tattoo shop. I always pictured him going to college, graduate school, and eventually getting a PhD. He was a very good student. For a while I lied to my friends and family about what he was doing, but I've finally told everyone the truth. When they tell me how 'sorry' they are, I defend my brilliant son. I'm even considering having him give me a tattoo, when he gets a little bit (OK, a lot)better. Now that I might keep secret!"
Submitted 6/28 via e-mail
"My son will not be going to college in the fall. He is working as an apprentice in a tattoo shop. I always pictured him going to college, graduate school, and eventually getting a PhD. He was a very good student. For a while I lied to my friends and family about what he was doing, but I've finally told everyone the truth. When they tell me how 'sorry' they are, I defend my brilliant son. I'm even considering having him give me a tattoo, when he gets a little bit (OK, a lot)better. Now that I might keep secret!"
Submitted 6/28 via e-mail
Truth: He's not your son
Truth #8
"My second son is the product of an affair. When he was born I was terrified, but he looks just like me, so my husband has never questioned me about it. He never even suspected the affair, he's so clueless. I have no plans on telling anyone, ever."
Submitted via e-mail 6/27/07
"My second son is the product of an affair. When he was born I was terrified, but he looks just like me, so my husband has never questioned me about it. He never even suspected the affair, he's so clueless. I have no plans on telling anyone, ever."
Submitted via e-mail 6/27/07
Truth: I love my own kids more
Truth #7
"I always loved my kids more then I loved my step-son. I never really tried to fake it. I am sure he will be screwed up for life because of this since I really was the only mom he knew most of his childhood."
Submitted via e-mail 6/27/07
"I always loved my kids more then I loved my step-son. I never really tried to fake it. I am sure he will be screwed up for life because of this since I really was the only mom he knew most of his childhood."
Submitted via e-mail 6/27/07
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Truth: Porn!
Truth #6
"I put my kids downstairs in front of the TV then go seclude myself in my room and watch porn in the middle of the afternoon. I'm scared to death what would happen if I died suddenly and my husband found me like that, but I can't stop. The kids have interrupted me once or twice, and I just hide the web site, click off the vibrator, and tell them to go back to their shows."
Submitted via e-mail 6/27/07
"I put my kids downstairs in front of the TV then go seclude myself in my room and watch porn in the middle of the afternoon. I'm scared to death what would happen if I died suddenly and my husband found me like that, but I can't stop. The kids have interrupted me once or twice, and I just hide the web site, click off the vibrator, and tell them to go back to their shows."
Submitted via e-mail 6/27/07
Truth: I really want to smack you
Truth #5
"I were is were the 1950s and it was just swell to smack my son across the mouth when he talks back to me. It would be so satisfying to see the look of shock on his face. Then he'd believe me when I say, 'You can't talk to your mother that way!' instead of responding, 'Oh yeah?'"
Submitted 6/26/07 by e-mail
"I were is were the 1950s and it was just swell to smack my son across the mouth when he talks back to me. It would be so satisfying to see the look of shock on his face. Then he'd believe me when I say, 'You can't talk to your mother that way!' instead of responding, 'Oh yeah?'"
Submitted 6/26/07 by e-mail
Monday, June 25, 2007
Truth: I ignore my children
Truth #4
"Sometimes when I'm driving with the kids I turn up the radio really loud, open the windows, and scream "I can't hear you!" every time one of them tries to talk to me."
Submitted 6/25/07
"Sometimes when I'm driving with the kids I turn up the radio really loud, open the windows, and scream "I can't hear you!" every time one of them tries to talk to me."
Submitted 6/25/07
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Truth: Oh no, his penis is small!
Truth #3
"My six year old son and his friend got naked to run through the sprinklers yesterday. My son's penis is smaller. It loks a lot smaller! (I was trying not to stare too much.) My husband's penis isn't the biggest in the world, and I know it bothers him. I hope my son doesn't suffer the same fate. Damnit, I just want it to be big."
Submitted 6/24/07
"My six year old son and his friend got naked to run through the sprinklers yesterday. My son's penis is smaller. It loks a lot smaller! (I was trying not to stare too much.) My husband's penis isn't the biggest in the world, and I know it bothers him. I hope my son doesn't suffer the same fate. Damnit, I just want it to be big."
Submitted 6/24/07
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Truth: I miss my job
Truth #2
"I tell you that I love staying home with the kids, but I walk by coffee shops and with I was working there. Washing dishes. Picking up trash. Working anywhere!"
Submitted via e-mail 6/23/07
"I tell you that I love staying home with the kids, but I walk by coffee shops and with I was working there. Washing dishes. Picking up trash. Working anywhere!"
Submitted via e-mail 6/23/07
Like Post Secret -- For Parents
Think of this site as your place to vent, commiserate, and share your truths about parenting with the world -- anonymously. We all know the line society and the media feeds us about parenting. It's wonderful. It's the hardest job you'll ever love. You'll never love anything like you'll love your kids.
Except for most of us -- all of us? -- those expectations of how wonderful this parenting gig is can be crushing.
Let's get to the truth.
Send your truths -- stories, single words, a few sentences, a scanned in picture or graphic, to truthinparenting@gmail.com.
Anonymity and confidentiality will be strictly honored.
I'll go first in the next post, titled "Truth: I Don't Like Your Son"
Except for most of us -- all of us? -- those expectations of how wonderful this parenting gig is can be crushing.
Let's get to the truth.
Send your truths -- stories, single words, a few sentences, a scanned in picture or graphic, to truthinparenting@gmail.com.
Anonymity and confidentiality will be strictly honored.
I'll go first in the next post, titled "Truth: I Don't Like Your Son"
Truth: I don't like your son.
This thought crosses my mind often: was my mom this stressed out about something as basic as __________.
Today the stressor in my life is a sleepover. My children, let's call them Thing 1 (a 5 year old boy) and Thing 2 (a 4 year old girl) are each having a guest today, and those guests are going to spend the night. This should be simple. Kids come over. Kid play. Kids have fun. Kids watch movie and eat lots of popcorn. Kids make a fort out of the couch pillows. Kids get out sleeping bags. Kids stay up really late giggling. Kids sleep. Kids wake up late. Dad makes pancakes. Guests go home.
If only.
One of the children arriving is a poster child for Ritalin. Unfortunately, he's not on it. Thing 1 thinks of this boy as his best friend, and they can have their splendid childhood friendship moments. Until Friend does something mean or downright abusive and my son gets his feelings or his body hurt. Thing 1 forgives over and over, and nothing any adult seems to do can curb Friend's behavior. My husband and I are very good friends with Friend's parents, which makes the situation so ridiculously complicated. They boys are also in Sunday School together, and will be for years to come.
Should I decide to sever the relationship, we'd all be in for a lot of pain. My husband and I would lose good friends, and we tend to be shy "one friend at a time" folks. But my son.
Here's the "Truth in Parenting" angle.
Truth: We mothers don't like everyone else's children as much as we like our own.
Truth: I do think my parenting choices are often superior to those of other parents.
Truth: We are so thankful when our own children's challenges are small.
Truth: I am willing to let my son get a little hurt in order to avoid an uncomfortable social situation for myself and the possible loss of my own friends.
No one ever said the truth wouldn't hurt.
Today the stressor in my life is a sleepover. My children, let's call them Thing 1 (a 5 year old boy) and Thing 2 (a 4 year old girl) are each having a guest today, and those guests are going to spend the night. This should be simple. Kids come over. Kid play. Kids have fun. Kids watch movie and eat lots of popcorn. Kids make a fort out of the couch pillows. Kids get out sleeping bags. Kids stay up really late giggling. Kids sleep. Kids wake up late. Dad makes pancakes. Guests go home.
If only.
One of the children arriving is a poster child for Ritalin. Unfortunately, he's not on it. Thing 1 thinks of this boy as his best friend, and they can have their splendid childhood friendship moments. Until Friend does something mean or downright abusive and my son gets his feelings or his body hurt. Thing 1 forgives over and over, and nothing any adult seems to do can curb Friend's behavior. My husband and I are very good friends with Friend's parents, which makes the situation so ridiculously complicated. They boys are also in Sunday School together, and will be for years to come.
Should I decide to sever the relationship, we'd all be in for a lot of pain. My husband and I would lose good friends, and we tend to be shy "one friend at a time" folks. But my son.
Here's the "Truth in Parenting" angle.
Truth: We mothers don't like everyone else's children as much as we like our own.
Truth: I do think my parenting choices are often superior to those of other parents.
Truth: We are so thankful when our own children's challenges are small.
Truth: I am willing to let my son get a little hurt in order to avoid an uncomfortable social situation for myself and the possible loss of my own friends.
No one ever said the truth wouldn't hurt.
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