Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Truth: I hate play dates

Truth #17

"Why does sitting around with our children mean that we have to talk about nothing but children? And their eating habits? And their pooping/peeing habits? And their discipline problems? Don't you mothers have anything else you want to discuss? I spend every minute of most play dates thinking about all the other things I'd like to be doing."

Submitted 7/3/07 via e-mail

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

You have no idea how much I despise playdates! I have two girls ages 5 and 3 1/2. They play together nicely by themselves not to say some days it is one fight after another. But they have activities dance, gymnastics, school, swimming, we go to a swim club, there is a cute playground camp across the street for the 5yo., and library school. All with other children that the play with. Why do I consistantly get asked for playdates? Don't these people have things to do also? Laundry, cooking meals, cleaning, relaxing(a little?) Mostly the 5yo. gets asked for playdates. If you throw the third child in the picture 9 out of 10 times there will be a fight involving my 3yo. Being left out, called a baby, or what's worse the playdate 5yo telling my 5yo that she would rather play with the 3yo because they want a baby sister and so on, whatever! Then you have to entertain the parent as well. Like I don't have enough to do! What's even better if you get a parent that doesn't leave!! Yes, I have endured several 6 hour playdates and one whooper 8 hour!! The girls are delirious as well as me by that point!! I practically pushed them out the door! I leave playdates at other peoples houses as fast as I can. I can't wait to get home! Maybe I am anti-social but I REALLY hate playdates! Don't get me started on people dropping there kids off at my daughter's b-day party at our house! I purposly invited everyone's whole family so they would not leave me responsible for their child. The parents said they had some other things to do they will be back later!!! Hello not a drop off party!!!! I will never do that again. Thanks for letting me get that off my anti-social chest!

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad that I'm not the only mom who absolutely abhors the whole playdate thing. I didn't grow up this way. We lived in a working class neighborhood where all the kids played in the street and on the sidewalks and on each others porches. We learned from each other. It wasn't always easy or fun, but it worked out. I have two kids under the age of 7. Both are highly intelligent, verbal, curious, and intense. Both have rich imaginations, love books, music, art, animals (we have lots of animals here at home). And they play well together for the most part. Introduce a third kid into the mix, and it's bound to be a disaster.

I've started to think that the whole playdate thing is a way of getting free mutual babysitting. At my son's school a tight group of moms and dads function practically as a commune. Every time one bends over another falls out of their butt. They seem totally enmeshed with each other. I just don't have a desire to be all that tight. It's not my style. But I feel like I'm the oddity in this group, like I'm failing as a parent because I'm not sitting with my calendar and planning a playdate for every other day of the week. Also, my first grader already has homework every day. Don't other kids have homework too?

I have no need or desire to drop my kids off at someone else's house. I have even less desire to have a third kid to look after.

More than anything, though, I think the whole playdate thing isn't just about "socialization" but about "acculturation". This is how kids learn to be "friendly" and "positive". This is how they learn to participate in the manic cheerleader-like attitudes and ways of the adults around them. This is how they learn to "smile" at everyone. In some cultures if you smile all the time they think you're crazy.